My Brother’s Keeper

“Where is Abel your brother?”

And he said, “I do not know.
Am I my brother’s keeper?
Am I to seek for him what I seek for myself?
Am I to risk a limb for somebody else?
My road is long and cold
and there are no souls but mine
and there are no brothers to seek or find
and I shall suffer with or without him.
Am I my brother’s keeper?”

“What have you done? Listen! Your brother’s blood cries out to me from the ground!
So I say to you:
Cry not “Eloi, Eloi, lama sabachthani!” when you are alone;
Cry out “Achi, achi!”
For your brother could have saved you as ably as I am;
But where is Abel your brother?
You have given up more than you know.”

“I am not my brother’s keeper.
What good is it to have a brother?
‘tis to have another with which to struggle.
Should I be burdened by a brother,
by a brother’s needs and wants,
shoulds and coulds, a brother’s mouth to feed?
Where would that leave me?
I am not my brother’s keeper!”
***
Hard to smile.
Stage two not consoling.
Operation on Friday.
9 am.
No food 24 hours.
65% successful recovery.
Hard to smile.
Stage two, 90% stage three without operation.
If stage three.
Operation.
9 am.
Count to three, breathe.
Breathe.
Try to smile.
Feeling heavy.
Close eyes.
Open.
Breathe.
Operation on Friday.
Heavy.
Headache.
Try to smile.
Hard to smile.
Breathe.
Try to eat.
Food won’t stay down.
Dizzy.
Sit.
Water.
Can’t swallow.
Operation on Friday.
9 am.
No food.
Easy.
Try to smile.
Can’t.
Walk.
Break.
Breathe.
Walk.
Check for mail.
Bills.
Unmarked letter.
Close eyes.
Hands shake.
Try to open.
Fingers fumble.
Wait.
Breathe.
Close eyes.
Open.
Close.
Wake.
Thumb to letter.
Tear.
Breathe.
Remove paper.
Flip.
Read.

“Dear Mr. Green,

I don’t really know you, but every day for a couple years, we’ve passed each other in the morning when we’re walking out the apartment complex. You were always smiling, and I’ve always wanted to say something, but I never have. You haven’t been out there for a few months now, and I had been wondering what happened to you. I just wanted to let you know that there are people thinking of you.

Sincerely,
A shy sister”

Read again.
Close eyes.
Still cry.

Smile.
***
Julia wasn’t paying attention anymore in class. Mrs. Edwards saw it every day when she went over the trials of calculus. If she tried to ask Julia a question, maybe just to snap her out of it, Julia would spend a moment still staring at the wall before she’d finally give the answer. The answer was always right, but she never had had that pause before. Her grades were nearly perfect and she was by far the best in class. But she wasn’t talking with anyone much at all, and Mrs. Edwards began to worry. It was her third year teaching and she didn’t know what quite to do, since she felt something was wrong.

Mrs. Edwards tried to ask Julia to stay after class, but she could never muster up the strength to do it. So she told the nurse, and Julia was asked to go to the nurse’s office, but nothing came of it at all, and the nurse told Mrs. Edwards there wasn’t anything wrong with her, just that she seemed a little tired. So she told the counselor, and Julia was asked to go to the counselor’s office, but nothing came of it at all, and the counselor told Mrs. Edwards that some students just have a bit of stress and that she was still maintaining excellent grades.

So Mrs. Edwards decided, at last, to take matters into her own hands. As Julia was leaving the classroom, Mrs. Edwards asked her to stay for a minute. She took a deep breath and told Julia, “If you ever need anyone to talk to, you can talk to me.” Julia nodded and left and Mrs. Edwards sighed.

And then a few weeks later, Julia stayed after class. And she talked to Mrs. Edwards.

And Mrs. Edwards listened.
***
Cain wandered the earth for many years.
His feet would not stop wandering,
for he had nowhere to go.
Each day he thought of Abel,
and he cursed what he had done.
Plants shied away from his touch,
and what he tried to grow died.
And all he ate tasted of dust and ashes.

One day, he encountered a strange village
and the first people he had seen in many years.
He walked through it and looked about him.
The people there looked strange.
Their clothes were a different cloth than his own,
and Cain felt very much out of place.
It was late, so Cain decided to rest in a road,
before his feet brought him somewhere else.

As night came, the people had a feast.
Cain tried to find the reason why,
as some children pulled him over to a large banquet table.
There was feasting and song and Cain
tried as he might to join.

The food had flavor and the night was alive.
He tried to find words to tell the village
that he did not deserve to be their guest,
but a man to his right told him that he would
be welcome at any time to their village,
for they were all brothers and sisters.

When Cain stood up from the table,
a woman offered him a place to rest.
She had an empty bed, and she told Cain
he looked as if he had been lost for a long time.

Cain wondered at this for many an hour through the night.
“God has granted me brothers and sisters to save me.
Maybe I am here to save another.
I swear this now: never shall I forget that I am my brother’s keeper.”
And Cain’s feet stopped wandering.